it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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