I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
