I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
