I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
