You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
