My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
