If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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