Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
