im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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