If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
