Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
