My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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