I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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