I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
