My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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