i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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