I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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