Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
