Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
