I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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