i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
