Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
