i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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