I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
