the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
