Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
