you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
