bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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