I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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