You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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