I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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