i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
