I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
