those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
