If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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