my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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