Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
