yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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