$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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