i think i have herpe
just one?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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