his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
