I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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