my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nutella sex= disaster
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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