Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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