He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
