the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
