then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Say something about gay babies.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
