bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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