my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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