I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.