Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...