So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.