God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.