dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
