did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
