fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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