I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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