These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
