apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
