twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
