If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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