I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
