My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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