So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
