you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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