look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
