All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
