Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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