So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."