well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
