Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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