my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
