that's an acceptable place to lick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
