WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
