don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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