OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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